What is judgment? A judgment is not just looking at someone’s actions and determining it was right or wrong. A judgment is an emotional reaction or charge that is fueled by a perception that an event is negative OR positive based on past experiences. Simply, if you’ve labeled an otherwise neutral event as either positive or negative, you’re in judgment.
I’ve heard clients and friends share with me why they feel that the relationship that they are in isn’t for them based around a specific reason. For example, a woman once shared with me that she didn’t want to be with a guy who watched porn. And if she is completely neutral and has no adversity to the experience, no discomfort of any kind whatsoever, no feeling of insecurity or trigger or any feeling at all about his watching porn, then that is her Truth. She simply has a preference about what she would love to experience.
BUT, if there IS a charge, however small it may be, how do you know if it’s a preference or not? How do you know whether it’s not something you possibly even enjoy yourself if you aren’t open to the experience of it because it makes you feel uncomfortable in some way? You don’t know. How can you?
Until you neutralize that charge, you don’t know what you want because you can’t see it for what it is beyond a negative or positive judgment.
In fact, you’re making decisions to be with someone or not based on something that isn’t potentially even true. It may be your preference, but you actually don’t know what you feel until you dispel your charge around it.
What’s amazing is not the preference itself, but when you discover that you’re experiencing something as negative and then embrace your judgment to realize you can be free of your discomfort. What you choose after is… irrelevant.
However, one way you may discover that you have a hidden judgment about yourself is if you don’t want anyone to know. It’s no one’s business to begin with, but are you hiding it because you’re afraid that someone will find out, or just because you’re neutral and don’t feel its important to share? Only you can know the difference for certain.
The truth is, that when you’re in judgment, you don’t know what you prefer or who you are because you are tied to a charged past story that you’ve labeled positive and negative, and created your identity around it. But that idea of what you think you prefer or don’t prefer is based on a lie, which means your perception of yourself is also not the truth.
The real question is, can you be willing to give up the idea of who you currently are in order to become who you truly are?
Nothing is written in stone, especially not who you perceive yourself to be.
by Kirra Sherman